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Things To do at Work
At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing
cars to see if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the
entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them
one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss
is the opposite gender.)
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you're going.
For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
HOW TO CONFUSE, WORRY, OR JUST SCARE THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF PEOPLE IN THE
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream
"NO!!! They've found me!" and bolt.
Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look
suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different
screen than the one it's set up with.
Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say
"Just in case..."
Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees.
Then, pull a disk out of your pants and say, "Oops, I forgot."
Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the floppy disc drive, when it
doesn't work, get the supervisor.
Assign a musical note to every key (i.e. the Delete key is A Flat, the B
key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write
an entire paper this way.
Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind
if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!" and then calmly sit
down and begin to type.
COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAM: The Football Player Edition
Time Limit: 3 weeks
YOU MUST ANSWER TWO OR MORE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY TO QUALIFY!
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and
Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one)
(a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC
(c) Hindu (d) Swedish
5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12
and the little hand is on the 1?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
(a)Westerners (b)Southerners (C)NORTHERNERS
9. Spell - CAT, DOG, PIG
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last
one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
EXTRA CREDIT: Using your fingers, count from 1-5.